Hey There, Delilah (Title Credit goes to Maddy Cleveland)

Guys, I have some bad news. There is the distinct possibility that I am actually dead and my corpse has been reanimated for the sole purpose of telling you why.  Yesterday, for family home evening, we went "Classic Skating" as a ward.  And as it turns out, when you're in college, classic skating actually means "spend the first 20 minutes remembering how to skate, then try to do crazy stunts with your equally crazy roommate." The stunt of choice for the night was the one me and Mark perfected, in which I would take a wide skating stance and he would skate through my legs.  Keep in mind that I'm using the term skate through my legs loosely in this context. What I actually mean is that he would start to skate through my legs, clip me in the knees with his shoulders, and I'd fall over backward. Various parts of my body are sore as I type this, including but not limited to all of it.

Additionally, me and Rob ran out of food this week.  Meaning that I still have my massive stores of canned food under my bed, but we ran out pasta and tortillas, effectively making it impossible to eat. And yes, you could say, "Matt, you could just cook up some of the canned food you were talking about..." and I'd say, "Point conceded." I could cook up some of the canned food I was talking about... if I had no soul.  A man shouldn't have to work for his dinner, people.

Let's knock some bookkeeping out of the way.  Next week, I may or may not post, depending on how lazy I get.  Everyone who reads my blog is going to see me. Except for the random guy in the Netherlands who has viewed my blog 6 times.  That's right man, I don't know who you are, but I'm still thinking about you. I'll think about it and get back to ya'll.

Final stories to tell: Nope, got nothing. It's good to be back to the blogging business after a short hiatus. The prodigal son returneth.

Catch ya on the flip side,
Matty, in the flesh

P.S. Not actually in the flesh. It's digital, guys.

Part II

Guess who's back, back again. Answer: Matt Bird.  To finish the tale of how six boys remodeled their house to reflect their wild and crazy lifestyle.  Let's do this.

Obviously the biggest thing we've done to our dorm is the wallpapering of the kitchen.  And to respond to the numerous questions I've fielded, no the boxes don't smell, nor are we destroying the walls in any way.  We're professionals.  The way this whole escapade got started was... I don't really know.  All I know is that one day I was sitting in my room with Rob when Mark comes barging in demanding any food boxes we might have.  Happily we obliged him (who are we to withhold trash from our roommate?), and eventually found out that there's a competition with the boys in 24.  Something about finishing our kitchen and loser buys the winner a pizza.  So naturally I'm committed to winning this thing, both because my competitive spirit is on steroids (making it angry and huge) and because I don't want to pay for a pizza.  Unfortunately, tortillas and cheese both come in bags, making it difficult for someone who subsists entirely off quesadillas to contribute.  Luckily I'm pretty much a genius.  One day, in a stroke of inspiration, I decided to take out my trash, when I realized that every dumpster in Heritage has two huge recycling bins entirely filled with cardboard the day before trash pickup.  In one day we got five big recycling bins full of cardboard and took a commanding lead.  24 just couldn't pick up the slack.  Sorry guys.

Other than me slacking on putting up a post, you guys haven't missed a whole lot these past couple weeks.  I've just had a massive amount of tests and homework.  Looking forward to the weekend where I can get myself a decent amount of sleep.

Also, I recognize that this post isn't written in my normal style (hilarious and witty, while at the same time smooth and refined).  I decided just to do a reporting post, cuz I don't have a lot of time, and I would rather feel the wrath of a thousand angry suns (namely, the sun on the desert level in SM3) than break a pinkie promise.  I'll go back to writing well next time.

Peace out, ya'll
Matt

Please Keep Your Arms and Legs Inside the Ride at all Times

Well, guys, I feel awful.  It's been a week and a half since my last post.  i don't necessarily feel awful about that, after all, it's my blog and I can do what I want.  However, I did straight up tell Lauretta Kennedy that I'd get a post up yesterday, and promptly forgot.  Lauretta, this one's for you.

Anyways, its good to be back.  I love being able to leave for a couple weeks, come back, and still be the most regular blogger out of my college friends.  You all suck!!(jk <3)!!  But seriously. I can only read my own blog so many times.  I feel like I owe you an explanation for why I've been so lackluster in my updating.  The reason is that I had a totally sweet post planned, but it took me forever to get ready. So I'd delay posting and things sort of spiraled out of control.  But I'm back now, and that's all that matters.  So without further ado, I present to you...

A virtual tour of my dorm! I'll let it sink in for a bit.  I was thinking, "Hey, most people who read this haven't even seen where I live," so I took the initiative (meaning delayed my regularly scheduled posting and took forever to set up my tour) and got ready to introduce you to the guys.

First, we've got the bedroom.  Notable items: Tweety, Jacob Black.  This is where I spend a pretty big portion of my time. And who can blame me? I've got freaking Taylor Lautner's eyes to gaze into.

Second, we've got Nate Garlick/Zach Kroff's bedroom. Notable items: Nate. He was the only one home besides myself when I was taking pictures for this, so he got himself on the Internet.

Finally, we've got the kitchen. Notable items: our freaking box wallpaper, the Wyoming blanket.  Yeah, that's right.  We wallpapered our kitchen with food boxes.  There may or may not have been a competition with the room next door, and we may or may not have completely and utterly wasted them.  Yeah, boi.

But yeah... that's my house.  I've got a couple stories to share on the topic that are coming in a part II post tomorrow, so be on the lookout. I'd share them now, but I've got class in 9 hours.  I'll finish tomorrow, pinkie promise.

As always, keep it real.
The Mattster

Gather 'Round, Kids, It's Story Time

Bad news, my friends.  The remodel did not get done in time for this post.  It might be because, as a dorm, we are incredibly lazy, or it might be because we have an eye for detail and care about our work.  Think what you will. But hopefully we'll get that update for you fairly soon.

Anyways, let's go sit on the mat, chilluns, because it's story time! I actually have a couple doozies for ya'll today.  The first one happened today.  I was sitting in church, being my usual righteous self, when I took an opportunity to look at the program*, and saw that we had two musical numbers.  Which apparently isn't all that uncommon in Provo.  More uncommon, is when they perform the exact same song.  Whoopsies.  They played my favorite hymn, so I was all for it, but the looks on people's faces when they realized what was happening... priceless.  For those of you unaware, musical numbers in Mormon wards tend to have excessive intros, where you don't really know what song they're about to bust into.  Then they play a couple notes and people have an "Oh! I know what this is" moment.  Today it was followed by an "OH! We just listened to this!" moment. Deja vu, to the max.

*Note: I did not actually look at the program; I was setting the stage for the rest of the story.

Pretty much how we get around now.  And yes, Dad, this picture's for you.

The second story deals with a recent acquisition made by our dorm room.  My roommate, Mark (whom you all met whilst he was half naked and blue a couple posts ago), has a sister who lives pretty close to us, and had a moped that she wasn't using.  Yep, our dorm has a moped.  It's totally sweet, and we drive it everywhere.  For instance, on Friday we went over to our FHE sisters' place for dinner, a grand total of two feet away from our dorm.  So naturally, we took "the Scooter".  After the festivities were over, a couple of girls wanted rides on it, so naturally we obliged.  After Mark dropped off the last girl, and he's coming to pick up me and Rob, we see him barreling toward us, full throttle. Me and Rob look at each other and do the whole "Pft, who's he trying to impress?" look, and realize that Mark isn't stopping.  He hits the sidewalk in front of where me and Rob are standing, and the wheels just peel out in this huge arc and Mark's on the ground.  At this point me and Rob are like, "Crap! We just watched our roommate die" and run over there to listen to his final words.  Turns out he was fine, and the throttle had gotten stuck on top speed.  In hindsight, it was hilarious.

On a final note, to people like me out there... RIP

Keep it real!

Matt

An Announcement of Epic Proportions

Alright ladies and gentlemen, it's the moment you've all been waiting for.  Matt is getting off his lazy butt and posting something on a day that isn't Sunday. *The crowd goes silent for a moment as they try to comprehend the magnitude of what just happened, then breaks into an uproarious applause*

There are two big reasons for this mid week post, so let's dive right in and get to them. The first is that I might've done something bad.  I totally forgot to do my weekly shout out last post.  This one goes to http://greenknightofwhat.blogspot.com/, and its creator, my man, ****** ******. See how I totally saved your secret identity? It was written by a guy in my old ward in Boise, and since he selflessly linked up my blog a couple posts ago, I thought I'd return the favor. It's got some pretty interesting stuff... Scope it out.

Second reason: Update on my dorm remodeling project.  We're about two inches from being done, so if we finish that before Sunday, I'll spend my post covering that. If not, i'll make something up, just like every other week.  Trust me, the reveal will be amazing.

And you can run and tell that, homeboy.

Matticus Maximus

Hipsterism is a Religion to Which You've Got to Be Devout

They're a rare breed

So today I was walking back from class when I saw a sight I'd been looking for, but didn't really ever think I'd see... The BYU Hipster.  For anyone unaware, a hipster is someone who tries way too hard to fit into an era or demographic that they are not currently living in. They're characterized by wearing weirdly matched clothing, paying high prices for clothes they could get at a second hand store for free, and... other things (we'll just say there's a reason hipster and hippie share the same root). Being a debater all through high school, I've probably seen a disproportionate amount of college hipsters in my life, and have been wondering how that trend was going to translate once I got to BYU.  Turns out they're exactly the same, they just have a highly advanced ability to make up excuses for their appearance. When someone asked him about his little goatee and dress, his answer was a simple "Eh, I forgot to shave this morning" (not true, Matt Bird knows what an I-don't-grow-facial-hair goatee looks like. He'd been working on that thing) and he had "just rolled out of bed and threw something on".  Needless to say, it got me some entertainment.

Mom as a child

The big event over the past couple days actually didn't happen to me, per se. My mom tried to burn down the house in Boise, along with everything in it.  Yeah, it surprised me too.  I mean, I thought the normal thing was to sell my stuff, not burn it.  So if anyone knows a good place to keep all of my belongings that I didn't take to college, let me know.
But joking aside, everyone's fine, there was just a lot of smoke and craziness.


As for what I did this week, let's grind this out, because you and I both know that it's the most boring part of my blog.  On Thursday (wait, maybe wednesday... or friday. Imma stick with thursday because you can't call me out for it), I did this thing called "True Blue Football" with my roommate, Mark, and his friend, Claire. The name was highly misleading. I didn't even see a football. However, there was definitely a lot of blue. What it was, was a giant plastic tarp down the side of a hill, that was continuously being sprayed by blue foam, that turned everything it touched this weird, off blue color. So of course any logical thinking college student went down there and rolled around in it. It was pretty awesome.

Mark after being dyed...and showered

Me

Other than that, it just been the pretty typical college week.  Doing homework at the last possible second and taking tests. Our dorm is currently working on a remodeling project and it's very hush-hush, so I can't tell you much about it, but I hope to get some sweet pictures up soon.

And he's out.
Matty B

I Found the Picture Button!!

Heyyy, guys! Remember when I said that I'd get this post up on Sunday and then didn't? Yeah, that was awesome.

Anyway, this is a pretty important post.  It's numero five, which means that I've been updating you guys on college life for an entire month.  Say it with me... Boo Yah!

Yeah, I'm kinda a big deal.

In response to this momentous achievement, I've decided we're gonna change up the way things work here at College: The Blog.  If it ain't broke, mutilate it until it becomes barely recognizable, amirite?  Rather than continue my trend of weekly posting every sunday, I'm going to become a true blogger and post whenever the heck I feel like it.  And if that turns out to be never, I'll come back to the sunday post system.  Because I care. About you.

Unless you know him

And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming. I feel like I owe you guys an explanation in regards as to why you wasted all your time on Sunday waiting for me to post.  I was about four hours away from my computer.  And in Wyoming, so even if I did have my computer, about four hours away from the Internet.  The roommates and I went up there for the weekend to visit Ma and Pa Harris (aka Mark's mom and Dad).  Surprisingly, it made me realize how horribly wrong I was about Wyoming.  More than four people and their dog live there. I didn't see a single canine.  Ba-zing!  But in all reality, it was pretty good times.  I ate real food, which was enough to have me singing praises, and played on the elementary school playground behind Mark's house. Yeah, I'm pretty much the coolest kid you know.

I would talk more about this weekend, but I'm going to be late to my Book of Mormon class soon and I have other stuff to talk about.  Like my struggles. For the past couple weeks, my tuesday schedule has been like this: Sleep through my alarm, run to class at 8, get back home at noon, and make a breakfast burrito to satisfy my stomach.  Every time I think it's a bad idea, and every time I relearn to trust myself.  Scrambled eggs are literally made by getting the egg to stick to the bottom of a pan and then scraping them off. It's how they get fluffy!  Whoever came up with that was an idiot!!  Admittedly, I am a bigger idiot for continuing to make scrambled eggs!!!

But they are oh, so good.

Peace!

Matty

P.s. You guys may have noticed that I found the "insert picture" button.  Suh-weet!!