Do I Really Have to Graduate, or Can I Just Stay Here for the Rest of My Life?

Welp, there are two great things about college.  The first is that I can use words that don't exist, like "welp," and you'll just go with it.  The second is that I can make arbitrary lists and you all will try and find some deeper meaning in it.  Think for yourselves, Sheeple!!

This week was actually the first week where I actually felt like I was in college. First of all, as you guys should know if you follow me on facebook, I just had a  massive amount of homework. And by massive amount, I mean I had one paper due in humanities.  But gosh darn it, that was a paper I didn't want to write.  Plus, I had like four problems to do for Econ.  It was brutal.

Secondly, and this is the big one, I had my first college test this week.  It was all official and at the testing center and everything.  The test actually wasn't that bad. Finding it was.  I didn't know where the testing center was, but I wasn't going to ask for directions and look like a fool, so I had to look up a campus map and find the center on it.  Then when I got there, I didn't know what I was actually supposed to do.  And rather than ask one of the many people studying on the first floor and identify myself as a freshman, I instead opted to wander in front of them for thirty minutes... identifying myself as a freshman. Man, I love college.

I also cracked open the Hawaiian Punch Mom sent down this week.  It was amazing. I love drinking.

Along with that, I've reverted back to my diet of only quesadillas (and now Cup of Noodles, surprisingly good for a starving man), due to a lack of girls bringing me and rob food. I love women.

I'm actually glad I pushed off this post for a day.  I got this email about ten minutes ago from my chem professor, "There is an error in problem 4.78 part C of Assignment 12. The atomic number and mass number are reversed for the neutron. The mass number for a neutron is 1 and the atomic number is 0. -Bro Anderson", and then this one "Matt, Thank you for pointing this out to me.  I have sent an email to the class informing them of the problem. -Bro Anderson".  Not only does getting ahead in homework make it so I don't have do it at the last minute, it gives me first dibs on showing the professor I'm a genius.  Man, I love college.

Shout out for the week: Bubblehead (aka Bro Kennedy, aka Rob's dad) and his blog.  It's not written by one of my college buddies, so its probably a little more substantive than my previous shout outs, but hey, he sent some traffic my way and now I don't feel so bad. But check it out if your looking for something other than telling jokes/stories, bubbleheads.blogspot.com.  Boost my stats, then his.

It's been fun guys, see you next week (on Sunday, because I'm going to be responsible and do my homework on time).

Matt

An Ode to Food (To the Tune of Yankee Doodle)

The message of this blog post will be slightly different from the others.  I felt very strongly that I needed to share with all those who read this an important lesson I learned this week.  And that was a lesson on the power of dibs...

The Scene: The shared room of two teenage boys, dimly lit except for the glow of two side by side laptops.  In the darkness you can see the outline of both men, waging war over the internet.  The room is immensely quiet save for the sounds of the keyboard and mice. [Enter Nate Garlick].
Nate: "Matt, you have some food waiting for you"
Matt Bird looks up, dazed for a moment as he struggles to comprehend the meaning of the words that have just been spoken.  He thinks back to the happenings of earlier in the day. [The scene shifts to the exact same room in the exact same conditions, just earlier in the day]
Matt: "Rob, check this out. One of our FHE sisters put up a facebook status saying she wants to give away some food"
Robert Kennedy: "Dude, get on that"
Matt: [typing on facebook] "DIBSSSSS"
[The scene shifts back to the room that time forgot, at the moment of Matt's comprehension]
Matt: "Oh!" He then begins making incomprehensible guttural noises (Seriously though, ask Rob, I was freaking out).  He bolts out the door, sees two Tupperware containers of spaghetti, and raises his fist to the air with such force that it's like he was trying to fist bump the Creator.  [Fade to black].

Yeahhhh boiii.  That's two, Aunt Juilana. And this was no skimpy helping of spaghetti, either. It lasted for my lunch the next day, mine and rob's dinner, and for our dinner the day after that.  It was awesome.

I think I'm starting to figure out what college is about.  It goes pretty much like this: Go to class, come home and try to survive by getting girls to bring you food.  And I know what you're all thinking... "Matt, you got girls to bring you food twice.  We know you have to cook for yourself or you'd be dead."  Well first off, stop it. This is my blog, I won't have you bringing it down with you're nay-saying. Secondly, yeah, we're able to provide the amount of calories needed to survive daily, but a diet of only quesadillas can't possibly be good for you, so we need the girls to supplement it. Duh.

In case you haven't realized, it was a pretty slow news week.  I got ahead in econ just in time for chemistry to catch up to me, so I've been spending some time doing that. I feel like there might be some other story i'm forgetting to tell you, but i'm tired and want to take a nap.  I just hope that any other parties involved in the story i'm neglecting either A.) Don't read my blog, or B.) Can forgive me.  Whatever.

As for my weekly shout out, Timmy Davis started a blog on the happenings at Idaho State (aka Heathenville).  And since i'm a good friend, I'll give you guys the link (twss654.blogspot.com) even though he couldn't be bothered to do the same.  What the crap, Tim?

Forever young,
Matt

A Remarkably Laborless Labor Day (and other things)

Do you guys remember how I started off my last post with an "I told you so"?  It turns out that sort of thing might actually be kinda rare.  As I write this, sitting in my bed and eating my pre-made burrito from Macey's, I'm already reminiscing about the glory days when the amounts of women, enchilada's, and Matt Bird's self esteem were high.  Those were the good old days.

So Monday was Labor Day, and being the awesome FHE group we are, we decided to take the opportunity to hike the Y.  And when I say "we," I mean "everyone but me and Rob."  We were sleeping.  Now before you guys get all judgmental on me, let me just say it wasn't my fault.  Nate Garlick, my roommate and elders quorum president, who up until this incident I thought was a standout and trustworthy guy, said he was going to wake us up.  And didn't. So Nate, if you're reading this, I'm definitely holding a grudge.

Also on the list of things to do on Labor Day was laundry.  Me and Rob, being the economical pennypinchers that we are, decided to wait until the last possible second to do our laundry, and were running pretty short on any form of clothing.  No biggie, we had a plan.  We would do our laundry on a day when nobody had school and obviously wouldn't be washing their own clothes, right? We hiked our significant pile of clothes and laundry detergent downstairs (luckily in what had to be the only lull of the day), only to find that we had forgotten to get quarters.  No problemo, the central building has a quarter machine.  We took the walk over, only to find out that contrary to our belief, everyone does laundry on labor day and the central building was out of quarters.  Fantastic.  What we ended up doing was putting our hampers full of dirty clothes in the storage cages in the basement of the dorms overnight, until we could actually clean them.  So try and visualize it: all of the other cages are filled with excess tv's, giant boxes, etc. and then there's mine and rob's dirty clothes.  Sweet.

The rest of the school week went pretty uneventfully.  I went to my first devotional where I found out that President Samuelson either hates his job or is physically incapable of smiling.  I used all of my free time (when I'm not paying attention in class) to get ahead in my homework, so I don't have to do anything for the next two weeks.  And I went to the women's soccer game.  That was brutal.  Being a soccer player, I never understood why people had such an aversion to the sport.  Keep in mind that the only soccer games I've watched are my younger siblings soccer/rugby mix and the World Cup.  I had no idea the sport was so boring.  It was mind numbing.  In fact there was more action in the pre-game battle to save seats then there was on the field.  Somehow getting saddled with the job of saving seats for the group of friends that I went with, I was in the stands a half hour early fighting off people left and right.  At one point, a girl tried to sneak into my chairs and, when I told her they were saved, looked me deep in the eyes and with all seriousness (completely deadpan) told me "You suck at saving seats."  And then left, utterly disproving her point.  The score ended up being 0-0, by the way.

Grandma and Grandpa came down on Friday, so I thought I'd give them a little shoutout.  It was way cool to see them again, plus they brought me Hawaiian Punch, so it was pretty much perfect.  G and G, you rock!

Speaking of shoutouts, I'm not afraid to shamelessly plug for my friends.  My good friend Alysa started her own blog about college over at monalysasmiles.blogspot.com so check it out.  It looks way cooler than mine, and could probably be a good thing to peruse while you're, you know, waiting for me to post something new. Just make sure she doesn't start getting more views than me.

Well guys, that's all she wrote for this week.
Matty boy, signing off

Matt Bird: The Boy Whose Exploits Panicked a Nation

Bill Waterson is a freaking genius.  For those of you who don’t understand my title, it’s a reference to the iconic comic strip, Calvin and Hobbes.  In this comic, which I read religiously as a child (and yes, on the occasion, now), Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes run around performing various antics while lamenting the ever-present presence of school, parents, girls, and any form of responsibility whatsoever.  Who better relates to my own life?  As I was preparing to enter college, Aunt Juilana asked me to write a blog so that my family could garner some entertainment from my shenanigans and, I assume, keep tabs on me.  Thus I present to you the story of Matt Bird, the dashing young man whose wild and crazy college life indeed panicked a nation.


So I've been here for a week and I figured it was about time that I got this thing up and running.  And what's better to start a blog with than a big fat "Told you so!"? Answer: nothing.  I want you guys to remember a certain time when we were at Grandma's sitting around the table and you laughed at me when I said I would survive off getting girls to bring me food.  Remember it?  Yeah, it happened.  Today we (me and my roommate Rob) were at ward prayer chatting up the ladies, you know how it is.  Eventually it was brought up that these fine ladies had spent their whole day cooking a glorious break the fast meal and that me and Rob had been too much of a failure to even feed ourselves.  We played a couple pity cards and before you know it, enchiladas, chicken, and rice were flowing into our dorm room. Count it.


In other news, the first week has been, from what I can see, pretty standard.  Class is going fine.  I'm rocking all my 100 level classes and getting way ahead in homework.  I hate my 200 level class, but that's because it's humanities and I hate analyzing art.  Church is going fine.  My FHE group is pretty cool, we're hiking the Y tomorrow and have some other pretty cool activities planned.  Today, church was insane.  Things were going pretty okay, we went to sacrament meeting where nothing eventful happened... Then there was Priesthood.  We were setting apart the quorum presidencies and next thing I knew, I was being sustained as elder's quorum secretary.  Apparently telling the person before you call them is a courtesy only followed everywhere that is not Utah.  Rob had even asked me if I had a calling before priesthood had started and it made things really awkward when they called my name.


Anyway, that's the first week in a nutshell.  BYU seems to be a pretty cool place, let's hope I survive it.  See ya'll (something I picked up from my Texan roomie) next week.


Matt